The Christmas Party

From: (The BunnyBasher)
Subject: Christmas at the BunnyMother warren: Starting course
Message-ID: <grimbergen-201293133920@>
Organization: The BunnyMother Warren
Date: Mon, 20 Dec 1993 12:44:11 GMT

"Click". My hand shakes a little as I light two cigarettes. As I reach over to pass one to John, sitting on a rock a few feet away from me, the fire-axe, resting against the inside of my thigh, almost drops on the ground. Clumsily, I catch it in time. The weight of this trusted weapon gives me comfort, but it doesn't stop the feeling that what we are doing is nothing more than foolishness. As I shift the back-pack full of explosives to a more comfortable position and check the small detonator in my inside pocket for the umpteenth time, I think back at the message I received less than two weeks ago.

"Kindly requesting your presence at a small dinner party to be held at my warren in the week before Christmas. Details to be discussed at a later stage. Sincerely yours, BunnyMother."

Checking IHQ, it turned out that several of the BunnyHunters had received the same invitation: John Chaffey, Bill Keyes, Jrrrr-Lwsss, The Werewolf, Sharree Thompson and Kmmmm-Lkkk. What was BunnyMother thinking? We all knew that she had invited the BunnyMentat over for Christmas and that she knew that our threats to attack her warren during that time were idle, since her warren is large and well protected. The mother was taking good care of her children and a direct attack was out of the question. Maybe it was just curiosity on her part, and the desire to meet her adversaries face to face. I certainly could relate to this feeling, but because of the large difference between bunnies and humans, it is very dangerous to imagine human emotions in a bunny mind. Anyway, Callahan strongly opposed the idea as a big and unnecesary risk. We argued for hours and although I kept on stressing the importance of knowing more about the BunnyMother's warren, it was clear from the start that I was not driven by rationality. We also both knew that I would go no matter what his feelings were, so finally he gave in and tried to figure out some conditions that would minimize the risks. Counting on the feelings of the BunnyMother for her children, we demanded to bring our weapons to the dinner and a back-pack full of explosives, so that we could defend ourselves in case of an ambush. Surprisingly, she quickly agreed. She asked us to leave the hand weapons at the entrance to avoid an atmosphere of hostility, but allowed us to bring in the back-packs, knowing very well that we could blow up her and her children at any time. It was clear that she was counting on our sense of self-preservation to avoid such a carnage. Or was there a more devious plot here? I spent a few sleepless nights toying with the possibilities, but finally my curiosity got the better of me, and I accepted the invitation.

Yeah, curiosity kills the cat, I think and nervously check my watch again. Ten minutes to eight, just like it was a few seconds ago.
"They're late, what's keeping them?". John clearly shares my concern.
"They'll be here, still ten minutes before the bunny guide will come.", I answer reassuringly, but I'm not even reassuring myself. After a few more minutes of anxiously waiting in silence, we suddenly hear a small noise in the bushes to our right. Quickly we retreat into the shadows, fire axes ready to meet any devilbunny trap. My heart is pounding harder than a BunnyMother can stomp as I see a large shadow entering the clearing.
"I'll be damned, so that's what a ferrotti looks like.", whispers John. I utter a sigh of relief as I realise he is right. For the first time in my life I see a 14' long ferrotti. An impressive sight indeed, and the fear of the bunnies for these creatures is no longer surprising. We step out into the clearing and I raise my hand in welcome.
"Grrmmm-chkk, dear friend." I can only hope that my caricature of ferrotti language is understandable. The ferrotti types something on the lap-top she is carrying and a metallic voice answers:
"Grrmmm-chkk, BunnyBasher and John Chaffey. My name is Jrrrr-Lwsss." At that moment another ferrotti and an man and a woman step into the clearing. I recognise Bill Keyes (still looking a bit pale and thin) and assume the ferrotti is Kmmm-Lkkkk and the woman is Sharree Thompson. I am glad she accompanied the ferrotti, since she knows so much more about their ways than we do. Warm greetings are exchanged and after these rituals are finished, we are surprised to find that another woman is watching us from the edge of the clearing. Lisa O'Donnell AKA The Pro-Human Werewolf completes our party. She is in her human form and I can't help thinking that I hope she will be like this all the time. Looking sideways to Bill and John I can see they share my feelings...

At exactly eight o'clock a rabbit hops into the clearing. Our guide has arrived and the moment of truth is upon us. Silently we accompany the bunny as it beckons us to follow. For almost an hour we walk small paths, each one similar to the one before. Finally, I lose all sense of direction, and I hope my companions do a better job, otherwise this little undertaking might prove completely useless from an intelligence point of view.

As we finally arrive at our destination, I see a strange sight. There is a large bunny sitting beside a small, round door into a hillside. There's not much unusual about that in DevilBunny country, but the strange part is that I also can see, not too close but not all that far away either, a human dwelling. In fact, on the way up that awful little road (narrow and winding and unpaved and full of holes), I saw quite a few humans. (Even more interesting, I saw a human child wandering around that house.) While they were all dressed and wearing shoes, I couldn't tell a thing about their feet, but none of them *seemed* to be walking funny.

On the door in the hillside (which is *just* large enough for a small human) is a Christmas wreath, decorated with bows and pinecones. The rabbit watches us closely, and waggles its ears at our arrival. As we approach the door I feel my stomach tightening in knots. If there is an ambush, it will be here and now. Bill's face is a blank, John's knuckles stand out white against the red shaft of his fire-axe and I can see the bodies of the ferrotti twitching, covering Sharree from sight. Lisa stands a little apart and although I am not sure, I think I can hear faint growling noises. Then the door opens, and behind it I see... BunnyMother!

"You are welcome in this warren, Fudd, Ferrotti, and Bunny alike, for this feast. The only request is that you make no mention of our age-old war, and your visit will go smoothly. There will be no unpleasantness here, for there are young children about and they will not be put at risk. There will be no attacks upon your person, for you are a guest here, and that is sacred in my home." This small speech is ended with a big (but not unfriendly) [STOMP!].

BunnyMother is a rather large rabbit, as rabbits go, and unless you are an extremely well-trained Fudd, the difference that makes her a DevilBunny is well nigh non-existant.

After leaving our handweapons at the entrance, we enter the warren, to find a surprisingly well-lit and comfortable place. On top of a chair, there is a bunny I think I've seen before... We are offered a seat, and a choice of beverage: hot chocolate (with whipped cream), mulled cider, or a hot-buttered rum for those who choose to partake of slightly stronger drink. BunnyMother acknowledges our fear of being drugged or poisened and fills three cups with the different drinks and gives them to three of her children, before our drinks are being served to us. We all decide to pass on the alcohol. Getting drunk, although part of many a Christmas dinner, seems very unwise under the circumstances.

After we are comfortable, the room begins to fill with rabbits -- big ones and little ones, dark ones and speckled ones, ones with floppy ears and those without. Dozens and dozens of rabbits, and we are being introduced to BunnyMother's many children and grandchildren and so on.

There's an odd sort of fellow with a speckled face named Coffee, and a pretty young lady called Brat, and an older doe called Butter. There's a couple nearly as large as BunnyMother herself, who are introduced to us by their human-tongue names, which are Joan d'Orleans and Eleanor.... I recognize Joan as the one who was guarding the door on our way in... and the list goes on and on. Finally, I notice, sitting by an entrance into another part of the warren, an enormous rabbit... even larger than BunnyMother. This one just sits and watches. Eventually, the room begins to clear, our drinks are refilled, and BunnyMother beckons to the giant. He hops into the room, and it is only then I realize that we are about to meet the rabbit known as the BunnyMother's mate... he's as big as a medium sized dog, black as coal, with eyes as bright as a new penny. He sniffs at us, waggles his ears, gives a gentle stomp (the floors *don't* tremble) and bounces out of the room. The rabbit on the chair that I noted before, grins nastily at our surprise and it is only then that I recognise the BunnyMentat. He doesn't introduce himself and no greetings are exchanged....

BunnyMother notices the suddenly tense atmosphere, but just as she is about to speak, another of the many rabbits stomps the floor in another room, and she heads in that direction. A minute or so later, she returns, and calls us all in to the table. It seems that dinner is served.

In a combined effort (the likes of which none expected to see), The BunnyBasher & The BunnyMother

Subject: Christmas at the BunnyMother warren: the menu, etc.
Date: 20 Dec 1993 16:20:07 GMT
Organization: Lurker, Inc.
Message-ID: <2f4jbn$>

The menu for this meal is conspicuously short of ferrotti and fudd bits... absolutely no fudd-toe stew is to be seen; but rich in chocolate and other sweets. There are minced mice and raw meats for the Ferrotti, roast turkey or ham with all the trimmings for the Fudds, and a wide array of vegetables and fruits for the bunnys. Carrots in particular abound at this table, cooked in more ways than most beings (Fudd, Ferrotti, or DevilBunny) might have imagined. Salad seems to be another major component of the meal.

At the end of the table is a conviently placed computer hook-up, so that the ferrotti may communicate with the other guests. The ferrotti are placed at that end, with Bill Keyes and Sharree the ferrotti liason at the two seats next to them. Bill is placed near Jrrrr-Lwss, his body-guard and the ferrotti priestess in training. BunnyBasher, as organizer of this event, has a place at the end of the table on BunnyMother's left -- beside him there is a specially prepared *right-handed* table setting for John, the leader of the Right-Handed Hetorsexual Male BunnyHunters. BunnyMentat, the favored (and visiting) son is to be seated on BunnyMother's right, and beside him will be the young doe who has been waiting to meet him for so long... the two of them seem to have little to say, but gaze thoughtfully into one another's eyes, looking a bit like calves. Lisa the werewolf is offered fresh minced mice with cranberry sauce. Kmmmm-Lkkk (did I spell that right?) is seated at the end of the table opposite BunnyMother and nearest the computer hookups and speakers. Jrrrr-Lwss is to Kmmmm-Lkkk's right hand, and beside her is a place for Bill Keyes. Lisa the werewolf is beside John Chaffey.

(seating arrangement in crude ascii:)

    2    3   4   5

1                    6

    7    8   9   10

1- BunnyMother
2- BunnyMentat
3- BunnyBasher
4- Sharree the Ferrotti Liason
5- Jrrrr-Lwss
6- Kmmm-Lkkk with computer
7- BunnyMentat's new lady friend
8- John Chaffey
9- Lisa the werewolf
10- Bill Keyes

"And now, good friends and honored enemies, I invite you to seat yourselves at my table, to eat and drink to your fill in my home, and to enjoy yourselves this night.

It has been suggested that we each tell a story to the others gathered here. Who would like to go first?"


From: ac351@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (John Chaffey)
Subject: Christmas at the bunnymother warren: John's account
Message-ID: <>
Organization: Anti-bunny Labs, Ottawa, Canada
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1993 04:09:13 GMT

I couldn't believe that the bunnies could be so stupid. Did they really think that after all these years of deception and murder I would open the invitation to dinner and say "Oh, dinner! How lovely."? The first thing I did was have the invitation tested for poisons. (It passed) I got on the horn (a modified Alpenhorn) to the Basher and Bill, and discovered they were invited, too. We talked. I thought it would be a good opportunity to take out a lot of devilbunnies, especially BunnyMom. They thought, maybe this could really be an opportunity to end the carnage. You don't know unless you try. Ha!

Their point was that human lives would be saved if the invitation was real. Okay. Let's try, I said, but I'm going with 50 pounds of C4 on my back. If this turns out to be a bust, I'm taking bunnies with me!

We rendezvous-ed in a clearing just inside the forest rim a little before 8 o'clock. It was dark already, though, so we had a fire going. When we all assembled, I insisted that we all get a booster of antibunny serum. While a direct attack was unlikely, it would be a real coup if the bunnies could turn us, and I suspected some attempt would be made. Call me cynical.

By the way, Lisa O'Donnell is stunning. Quite a looker, but drools a lot.

Anyway... we got taken to the warren, and the Basher described the scene. I didn't like the table - its surface was just a foot off the floor, so the db's could just reach the food while seated. The humans sat on the floor with our feet in some kind of pit under the table. The Ferrotti were a good height when resting, and could reach the food easily. About a minute after we first sat down I could feel pressure on my boots. Reaching down, I pulled out a squirmy little bunny-child who was trying to nibble my toes. Man, did she ever get heck from two of the adult bunnies.

It seems that BunnyMother has me confused with the other John bunnyhunter. I'm not the leader of the right-handed hetersexual male bunnyhunters. I DO belong to that class, but the leader is the other John. That's okay. Let them think it. It'll confuse their hit lists. Maybe I should get an identifier after all.

Lettuce juice isn't bad. But BM has already described the food. To begin the discussion, I recounted stories of some of the horrors faced by humans in the past, and the one called Coffee did the same from the Bunny point-of-view. Okay, pretty ghastly all 'round, I suppose. I didn't realize what a big thing they thought it was when we started making Lucky Rabbits Feet key chains back in the 50's. The picture of those rabbits pulling their legless bodies around on those carts - brrrrr.

And I didn't know the Mentat lost his mate in a human raid. He showed us an x-ray of her. (Apparently she was very large, and that was the only picture that would fit in his wallet.)

Later, we talked of possible peace moves. I'm sorry but: "DUHHHH..." I'm not bringing all my friends and family to a big meeting in the Mojave desert. I MIGHT be willing to have an exchange visit with the Mentat in our science labs. But I want lots of time to prepare, and lots of security. The BunnyMentat just looks ... well, sneaky. I'm trying to take my bias into account, but I can't forget what he did to Kane.

We had fresh coffee after, but it tasted funny. I don't know - I saw them loading sacks of coffee beans into grinders, and pouring hot water over the grinds. Well, I THINK they were coffee beans. Anyway, one of them tasted it first.

End of an era? I'm not convinced, but then again, I WAS one of them once. You newcomers won't have heard about that, but I was transmorphed in one of their early experiments. I remember the lust for humankind. Of course, I was single then...

No - they'll have a long way to go to convince me. We'll see. --

From: sharree@CSOS.ORST.EDU (Sharree Thompson)
Subject: Re: Christmas at the BunnyMother warren: Kmmmm-Lkkk and Sharree enter
Date: 21 Dec 1993 06:34:40 GMT
Message-ID: <2f65e0$3r1@jadzia.CSOS.ORST.EDU>
References: <grimbergen-201293133920@>

Kmmmm-Lkkk bristled a bit, she was nervous, this was the first time she had ever been at such a large warren, usually the ferrotti only attacked the smaller warrens, or hit the foraging parties, knowing it was suicidal to hit a place like this. "Don't worry, I don't feel at all nervous, and you know how quick I am to pick up on hostility," Sharree stated calmly, staring down one of the rabbits. At times Kmmmm-Lkkk envied the humans and the fact that so little of their lives were controled by instinct. Sharree was totally unconcerned by this, even to the point were the only defence she had brought with her was Kmmmm-Lkkk and that crazy Buck-Buck. Bill and Jrrrr-Lwsss entered first, one of the rabbits snarled at Sharree, to which she replied, "Stop that, RIGHT NOW!" Kmmmm-Lkkk could almost feel sorry for the poor thing, a woman who could control a hungry rat at age 3 had no problems with a devilbunny now that she was 25. Kmmmm-Lkkk was glad that her human friend had never felt the need to do to her what she did to that rabbit. Kmmmm-Lkkk fumbled with the computer for a minute, she didn't really like the things, for all that they let her talk with her human-friends, then gave up. This one was smaler than the one she was used to, no point in straining herself to much to talk, after all Sharree could speak ferrotti alot better than most people knew.

When no rabbits were looking Buck-Buck stuck his head out of the back- pack, "Why do I have to go along," the youngster whined, sometimes he really got on Kmmmm-Lkkk's nerves, but since he was the grandson of one of her human- friends pets he could live without her slashing him.

"Nervous, Huh Kmmmm-Lkkk," Sharree's voice was still annoyingly calm, even when a young rabbit headed for her sandled feet, Sharree picked the youngster up by the scruff of the neck, "I don't think your mother would want you to do that to a guest, what do you think little one." Sharree's command of the rabbit language was astounding, almost as good as her command of ferrotti.

"I don't like this place, it stinks of Kyrl-Lth. What protection do we have here." Kmmmm-Lkkk bared her teeth and shuddered nerviously.

"Kmmmm-Lkkk, I can personally get us out of here, or I would not have come. Remember what I can do. Besides, Buck-Buck is with us, and he can take care of the Kyrl-lth better than you or I can."

Kmmmm-Lkkk only hissed softly through her teeth.

Kmmmm-Lkkk was surprised to find that the rabbits had prepared some of her favorite foods. The only thing maring the feast was the fact that the mice were dead, and not living. Still, they didn't smell more than a few hours old, and someone had the good sence to GUT them, so no taint to the meat.

Bunny-mother didn't look to happy about the way Jrrrr-Lwsss was looking one word from Kmmmm-Lkkk calmed the young female. "Greetings to you and all in your warren, Bunny-Mother." Kmmmm-Lkkk said in the language of the bunnies. *that should keep them confused* Kmmmm-Lkkk thought, *bet they didn't know I can speak Kyrl-Lth.*

Once everyone was seated, Kmmmm-Lkkk again felt uneasy, she was to far away from her human-friend, as if sencing the worries of her compainion, Sharree moved over and and leaned against her friend, sitting cross-legged on the floor.

"I'm sorry, revered Bunny-Mother, but Kmmmm-Lkkk and I do not like to be parted long. If Kmmmm-Lkkk requires someone to translate something for her it can be distracting to have us discuss exactly what she ment clear across the table, I'm sure you understand."

Bunny-Mother smiled benevolently, but Bunny-mentant didn't look at all happy about this.

"And if I were you, Mentat, I would mind my thought, I can feel your hostility over here. We are guests, as you are, let us obey guesting curtisey and put asside all hostility."

Bunny-Mentat only scowled, then Buck-Buck poked his long-eared head out
"You better listen to her," The rest of his body followed, causing a look of startlement on the part of the Rabbits, and discust on the part of the hunters, for Buck-Buck was an Alpha-Devilbunny.

"Settle down, Buck-Buck, what will your grandfather think when I tell him how badly you are misbehaving."

"Yes, Ma'am, I'll be good. But I'm not going to let anything happen to you, my grandfather would disown me if something did."

"I'm tempted to disown you now. I brought something for bunny-mother, and I find you in the pack next to it. To late to take you back."

At that time Bunny-Mother recovers enought to ask, "Who is THAT?!?!?!"

"Oh, it's just my other Body-guard, Buck-Buck. Seems he is decended from a rabbit I raised years ago. At the time I didn't know that the rabbit my cat brought me was a devilbunny. Raised that rabbit with eye-droppers filled with a suger/milk mixture. Eventually I let him go in the wild-life refuge, apperently he has been gathering up those of your kind who don't want to fight. We discovered the warren a few months back. So far both sides have been getting along splendedly." Sharree fixed Buck-Buck with a hard stare,

"that is until this IDIOT decided to pull a fast one. Oh well, the full story is the tale I intend to tell later, after Kmmmm-Lkkk tells us one."

From: bkeyes@lamar.ColoState.EDU (the Ferret-Meister)
Subject: Christmas at BunnyMother's Warren: Bill's point of view
Message-ID: <Dec21.095656.39897@yuma.ACNS.ColoState.EDU>
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1993 09:56:56 GMT

OK, so we were a little late. Carrying 50 pounds of CN-4, not to mention the chainmail, and the fireaxe...

Reijer and John were already there. We exchanged quick, tight embraces and introduced ourselves all around. Lisa, the werewolf, showed up shortly thereafter. Jrrrr-Lwsss could barely contain herself from bouncing as her Hunt-sister walked into the clearing. Then the DB guide showed up, and we headed for our rendezvous with fate.

Yeah, I was nervous. I'd been in warrens before, more times than I can count, since I was eight years old and my grandaddy was teaching me how to kill the fluffy bastards. But I'd never been invited to a warren before. And certainly not the likes of the BunnyMother's warren.

All the twists and turns we took to get there, I *think* I could find it again, but I'm sure no Fudd or Ferrotti could go 10 steps down that path without being ambushed by the DBs hiding in the underbrush. They thought I couldn't see them... and I couldn't, I guess, but I knew they were there anyway.

There was quite a spread on the table. A Christmas dinner the likes of which you only see in the movies. I wanted to test the food with a portable scanner that Gordon loned me, but, as a show of good faith, I refrained from doing so.

Who would've though that me, Bill, the DevilBunny hunter Extreme since 1978, would be here, eating dinner at the supreme leader of the DBs very own warren? But here I was, and now, the BunnyMother thumped lightly on the ground before her. "My honored guests," she began...


*  Bill Keyes                 /\     *         *
*  c////////=================|__|=>  *    "There is special providence     *
*  NoCoAnDeBHQ Commander &  /    \   *     in the fall of a Bunny."        *
*  Bunny hunter Extreme    --------  *        -Shakespeare, Hamlet, V.ii.  *

From: bkeyes@lamar.ColoState.EDU (the Ferret-Meister)
Subject: Christmas at BunnyMother's warren: Jrrrr-Lwsss's version
Message-ID: <Dec21.101905.73852@yuma.ACNS.ColoState.EDU>
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1993 10:19:05 GMT

Oh, there are ugly bunnies EVERYWHERE!!! <grrr grrrr>

What? Oh, great Kmmmm-Lkkk, please forgive this young one. It is hard to control herself when every fiber of her soul is crying out for combat!

The four of us (friend hunters Bill and Sharree, this humble one and brave Kmmmm-Lkkk) arrived at the clearing to find friend hunters John and BunnyBasher waiting for us! But then, even better, dearwolf Lisa came! This one bounced, but still tried to control herself.

Well, even if the ugly BunnyMother is a badbunny, she really cooks good. the Mousemeat pies were excellent (very fresh, but dead, oh well).

BunnyMentat... He is everything I pictured him to be... cold, proud, very large, with shiny eyes and a wet nose. Large ears that were constantly twitching, and long, wicked buck teeth...

This ferret watched him real close, because he is known for his treachery, but through the whole meal, he just kept looking at another bunny, smaller, and very fluffy (if she wasn't a DB, she would've been cute). He was pretty much oblivious to the rest of the party. So much for his legendary observation skills! Ha!

I wonder who she is? I know she isn't Shadow Child, because friend hunter Bill looked at her once, and has pretty much ignored her since. The friction between Bill and SC is too great to be ignored like this...

I kept close to friend hunter Bill. He says that he is fully recovered, but the healers told me to watch him closely. So I did, because I am his bodyguard and his very good friend, and I didn't want the bunnies to be treacherous to us, but he seemed calm, even restive, as if he knew that the ugly bunnies would keep their word and not attack us.

So with dinner over, the BunnyMother rose and invited us all to speak. First friend hunter John, and then Bill...

Oh, what story should this small humble ferret tell? Oh, she does not know! She will wait until the end and try to think of a good one...

Jrrrr-Lwsss, the Ferrotti from Hell.

*    Cry "Eek Eek," and let       *******  Jrrrr-Lwsss               *******
***      slip the Ferrets of War!    *****  The Ferrotti from Hell     *****
*****            (with apologies to     ***   **
*******               Wm. Shakespeare)     *  14 feet of pure ferret fury. * 

From: ac351@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (John Chaffey)
Subject: Christmas at the bunnymother: John's story
Message-ID: <>
Organization: Anti-bunny Labs, Ottawa, Canada
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1993 04:11:45 GMT

The Story I Told

At the Christmas supper, my contribution was the following information, taken from records kept under lock and key in Kanata, Ontario, Canada. I thought it would help everyone, devilbunnies included, to understand something of the origins of this grand battle.

In one of the obscure valleys among the Carpathian Mountains on the border of what is now Hungary and Romania, there is a secondary road off the main highway, about 50 kilometres east of Vrsac. If you take this road, it gets narrower and narrower, and goes deeper and deeper into a beautiful forested area. This area is always a little dark, and on cloudy days, it is almost as night. Today, it would be easy to miss the corridor that remains of what was once another roadway that intersected the secondary road. But two hundred years ago, the crossing was marked with a Russian Orthodox cross, and a sign that read "Turn away from this, the Road of the Beast".

In those days, there were several small villages spread out along this road, between it and a small tributary that ran cold from the mountains. It was in this general area that the legend of Dracula, the vampire/man originated, but that was several centuries earlier. (The Bram Stoker story took place in the 19th century, but the legend has existed since medieval times.) It was said that the landowner who was allegedly this "Dracula" character, raised a variety of animals for food and labour. Amongst these was a hutch of rabbits. The rabbits kept in that hutch in those dark medieval days had large ears, a fluffy tail, and two rows of straight, even, teeth.

Dracula drank blood. When he did not kill his victims quickly, they underwent a series of ghastly changes that rendered them the same as him - evil un-dead - condemned for eternity to remain in their existing form (and age), lusting for blood to survive. Their canine teeth enlarged, and developed fang channels, through which the possessor could ingest the supplies of blood he or she needed. The explanation of events that followed fits these general facts, and leads to the following supposition:

- That in the fourteenth century, the creature that became known as "Dracula", drank blood from other animals as well as humans, including from young rabbits held captive for this purpose.

- That these young rabbits remained young in appearance, their incisors grew to double their original length, and a lust for blood and slaughter overcame them. (Different dental development for different species, presumably.)

- That somehow these "bunnies" gained incredible strength and agility, probably at the expense of cranial osteoporosis - a thinning of the skull to about the same thickness as the air bubbles on packing material.

- Top Secret military records reveal that when Dresden was bombed, there was a navigational error, and the bombs actually missed. However, devilbunnies were seen just outside Dresden on that day. Similar records exist for Hiroshima, Coventry, and London.

- Other historical records show that the Great Plague of Europe coincided with the destruction of the castle where the original bunnies were held.

This suggests an origin for the devilbunnies. It can't be proven, but it explains the transmorphing ability, the "turning" of victims into bunnies, and a few other things. Maybe it's legend. Maybe it's fact. It really doesn't matter, but it doesn't hurt any of us if the story is told. --

From: bkeyes@lamar.ColoState.EDU (the Ferret-Meister)
Subject: Christmas at BunnyMother's warren: Bill's Grim Prarie Tale
Message-ID: <Dec21.100214.39890@yuma.ACNS.ColoState.EDU>
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1993 10:02:14 GMT

All heads turned as I rose from my place. "If no one has any objections, I would be honored to tell my story," I said.

"BunnyMother, I must admit that I am surprised -- pleasantly surprised -- at your hospitality. I'm almost embarrassed to say that I did indeed suspect treachery. I'm glad this isn't the case, and we Fudds and Devil Bunnies can call a truce, even for one day, and break bread together."

BunnyMother smiled sweetly and nodded graciously, and the rest of the table mumbled general agreement.

"I would like to tell a story about history. Some of the unwritten history of the United States of America, more specifically, a story about the early pioneers of the old west, and their first encounters with the DevilBunnies of the New World. If there are no objections?" I looked around the table, and no one seemed to have worries about the tale, so I began.

"As most of you know, Colorado has a lot of history behind it. I can't claim to be an expert, but many are the tales told of the settling of this wild frontier land. Many, many of them are gory, or frightening, or unsettling, or all three. The Donnor party, Alfred Packer, the Cripple Creek massacre, whole towns disappearing, betrayal, treachery, murder... There are stories of haunted bridges, ghost towns, wandering spooks and goblins, places of power and mystery. A lot of the stories are old Indian legends and myths, some are told by the Spanish/Mexican population, and more than a few are told by the white settlers from the east."

"This is one such tale. It was told to me by my Grandaddy, who, as you may know, was from pioneer/mountain man stock. It was told to him by his father, who early Bunny hunter..." I looked around the table to make sure nobunny had taken offense, but the DBs were still listening intently.

----- The story begins in October, 1886, just about the time that Colorado became a state. A small group of men, some soldiers, but most were hunters or trappers rode up to a tiny frontier town. The sky was a deep blue, the big sky that you can only find in the west. The air was sharp with the smell of autumn. The tall grass of the prarie chaffed against the men's legs as they reigned their horses up just outside of the town.

"I don't like this," said one of the men, dressed in the uniform of a Union Lieutenant. "Where is everyone?" He stood in his stirrups and looked over toward the town.

The town looked perfectly normal, and that was the horror of it. There was not a sound to be heard, or a living soul to be seen. The men went through every building in town, but no one, living or dead, could be found. It was as if the entire town just up and left, leaving food still cooking on the stove, drinks untouched in the bar, and pipes still smoking in their ashtrays. The town had no dogs, no horses, no livestock of any sort.

"Indians?" asked one of the soldiers. Arrow shook his head. "No signs of a fight," he said, "and none of my people are anywhere near here." He glared at the Lieutenant again.

"We'll bivouac just outside of town for the night," said Lt. Peters.
"Maybe the townsfold will come back... or maybe we'll see what it is that took 'em..."

That night the men were prepared for whatever may have happened. They set up stakes and dug shallow trenches, and strung ropes tied to empty cans to make an alarm if anyone approached. No one slept that night. Just before dawn, when the men were feeling tired and a bit foolish, they heard a sound... the alarm went off. They strained their eyes in the half light of dawn, looking for the intruder, and finally saw it.

It was a tiny grey rabbit. The tension was broken, the men laughed and one was sent to grab the rabbit for breakfast. No one was prepared for what happened next, as the bunny leapt 10 feet through the air and attached itself to the poor soldier's throat. He went down with a gurgle, and the bunny prepared to launch itself again. Luckily, one of the men had the presence of mind to fire his Remington at the creature, killing it.

That man was my great-grandaddy.

At this point, all hell broke loose as the air filled with terrible fluffy death. The men were screaming as the furred projectiles tore out their throats and disembowled them. Some of the men made it to the horses (which the bunnies left untouched for some reason) and managed to escape the carnage.

When these men returned later that same day, they found nothing. The rabbits somehow had cleared the campsite, removed the bodies, and cleaned up the mess. The men would have doubted their stories had it not been for the scars that each of them now felt.

These men, 10 in number, swore an oath that day. They would tell the Army that it was an Indian massacre (what else would the army believe?). Then they would find out all they could about these cursed bunnies, and recruit like-minded people, and hunt the damned creatures from the earth.

This was the beginning of the Fudds (though they weren't called that until many decades later), a secret army dedicated to killing the deadly rabbits, which they called "DevilBunnies." I am proud to say that my family has been involved with this war for over a hundred years, and indeed, helped found the resistance movement against the furry enemy. -----

I looked around the table at my fellow diners and smiled. "I hope my story was amusing, my friends and honored foes." I sat back down at my place. "Who will go next?"


*  Bill Keyes                 /\     *         *
*  c////////=================|__|=>  *    "There is special providence     *
*  NoCoAnDeBHQ Commander &  /    \   *     in the fall of a Bunny."        *
*  Bunny hunter Extreme    --------  *        -Shakespeare, Hamlet, V.ii.  *

Subject: Dinner at Mummy's: The BunnyMentat's Fluffy Tail.
Message-ID: <>
Date: Tue, 21 Dec 1993 09:47:50 GMT

I really do not understand the hostility towards me at this dinner. I do not look shifty, or evil or even remotely malicious. *SIGH* Humans can be so prejudiced. So what if I perform my experiments solely on humans? They do it on bunnies, rats, guinea pigs, (a long list follows). Tsk. Such a closed mind they have.

But anyway, after politely listening to the previous speaker, it was my turn. Hopefully, after my spiel, I will be looked at in a different light. Despite what Fudds think. Devilbunnies are rational creatures. Their reality of us consists mostly of fear-induced myths...

. . .

Before I attained my position as head BunnyMentat, I was an acolyte of the previous one. It used to be very much different than it is now. The esteemed position of BunnyMentat was won in a series of duels (to the death) between his successors. It was quite a bloody matter; survival of the fittest made clear the way to victory for the species.

It will not be of much use to you to know this now, or rather, it will not be harmful; that is why I speak openly of such intimate matters concerning my kind. Consider it an act of faith.. perhaps an act of potential peace. BunnyMentats are not made, they are born. It is an odd series of events which lead to the birth of a new batch of Mentat kittens, for only at the death of a reigning BunnyMentat that another generation of successors is born.

Fortunately for us, there is not much time between a BunnyMentat's death and the rising of the next Mentat. At most, an hour. This is to ensure the safety of the species. With the new system which I have installed, the time between Mentats is non-existant. You see, the generation born does not succeed the current Mentat, but rather, it succeeds the one after. It is not too complex a matter, I can explain it further if there is any confusion.

I have brought about may changes since the barbaric time of the last Mentat's reign. Yet I could have brought about even more if not for that old bastard.

Traditionally, a BunnyMentat is always male, yet every now and then, a female is born with the mental capcity deemed worthy of the title. In my generation, her name was Clover, and she was to be my mate. She was both intelligent and charming, a quality I understand is rare in all three of our instances. We planned to be the first to have a BunnyMentat in duality, a male and female DevilBunny carrying an equal burden of the role; for now, I can tell you that it did not happen. A testimony of her abilities is that which I wear now. The BunnyArmor. A lot of its powers I humbly attribute to her insight.

[Eyes grow wide with astonishment, and perhaps fear, as a human hand 'flowed' into being at the end of the BunnyMentat's limb]

Do not be alarmed, and get your finger off that detonator Bill, someone might get hurt. Mother has given her word, and even I fear to tangle with her wrath, protected as I am.

On with the story. As I mentioned before, I was an acolyte of the BunnyMentat, as was Clover and the other sub-Mentats. And thus, we were all subject open to exploitation and experimentation.

Belial was a relic of the past. He believed that female sub-Mentats were freaks of nature, and were to be treated as such. As BunnyMentat, he frequently acted out his whims, and he frequently performed his myst risky experiemts on my beloved.

The only reason Clover was lost in that raid by the Fudds was because she had already been blinded by one of those.. experiments. It was very painful watching her being decapitated gleefully by a Fudd. I made him pay for it. This is perhaps one of the reasons for my policy on subjects for experimentation.

Then, when Belial finally passed away, we held the last Trial.

As a rule, everyone was allowed a weapon of their own design to aid them in survival in the Trial. It was a free-for-all where sub-Mentats could temporarily ally themselves to destroy a stronger foe. Such tactics did not matter to me. I had the armor, and it was an easy victory.

Now, the Trial is a thing of the past. Instead, a successor will be named and declared the next Mentat. The remaining sub-Mentats are left to continue their research to aid for our effort. It seems that that Belial's death had lifted a curse. Since then, there have been 3 litters of sub-Mentats born in my lifetime. I know of 6 does in those 3 litters.

[At this point, the BunnyMentat pauses, aned smiles-- a most eerie thing to behold]

Clover's loss is a thing I have not forgotten, but have been able to cope with. And as you can see, life goes on for me.

[Aloysius settles back down comfortably, and nuzzles against his newfound interest]

Let the stories continue.

. . .


Newsgroups: alt.devilbunnies From: tsheming@lamar.ColoState.EDU (FluffyTeacher)
Subject: Christmas at Bunnymummy's: the doe speaks
Message-ID: <Dec23.042745.87441@yuma.ACNS.ColoState.EDU>
Date: Thu, 23 Dec 1993 04:27:45 GMT


all heads in the room turn to the beautiful young doe across from the handsome BunnyMentat. "If no one would mind too much, I would like to tell a short story..."

"Hmmph," says one of the Fudds (Bill? is he the one with the cowboy hat and the chainmail?). "So the lady-bunny has a tongue..."

I ignore him, and turn towards Aloysius and Mother. "May I speak?" They both nod eagerly, and Aloysius smiles that beautiful winning smile of his.

"I would like to tell a story that we tell our kittens to send them to sleep, a fairy tale," I said, and began...

Once there was a human, a Ferrotti, and a bunny who all lived together. The human and the ferret were both jealous of the bunny's soft fur and bright eyes, so they pushed her about, gave her nothing to eat but scraps, and did everything they could to make her unhappy.

One day, Fuzzybunny went out into the fields to tend the garden, but she was quite hungry because the others hadn't given her anything to eat. She began to cry, and when she looked up, there was a great rabbit standing before her. "Why are you crying," said the great rabbit. "I have reason to weep," said Fuzzybunny, "because the human and the ferret hate me, and they push me about, and give me nothing to eat."

"Wipe away your tears, little bunny, and I will tell you something to stop your suffering from hunger ever again. Just say out loud: stomp my little bunny feet, give me something good to eat." Then the great rabbit vanished.

Little Fuzzybunny did as the great rabbit said, and sure enough, a small table, covered with a white cloth was standing there, and on it was a plate full of delicious carrots. Fuzzybunny ate her fill, and when she was done, the table disappeared.

In the evening, when she went home, she did not eat the food that the others left for her. The next day she went out again, and left her food untouched. The human and the Ferrotti noticed this, so they wanted to find out why Fuzzybunny wasn't eating her food, if there was someone bringing her things to eat and drink.

So when Fuzzybunny went out the next time, the human went with her. Fuzzy bunny knew what was on the human's mind, and said, "Come, dear friend, and I will sing to you." The human sat down on a rock, and Fuzzybunny sang a song of surpassing beauty. Soon the human fell asleep, and so Fuzzybunny chanted her spell, and ate her fill. When she was done, she woke the human up, and they went home.

The next day, the Ferrotti wanted to go with Fuzzybunny, but Fuzzybunny knew that the ferret wanted to see where she was getting her food, so again she sang to the ferret to put her to sleep. But the Ferrotti was clever, and only pretended to sleep, and saw Fuzzybunny chant her spell. The Ferrotti saw the whole thing, and told her human friend.

The human and Ferrotti were enraged, and they went and tore up Fuzzybunny's garden. When Fuzzybunny saw what had been done, she began to cry, and when she lifted her eyes, the great rabbit was again standing before her. "I will tell you how to end your sorrow," said the great rabbit. "Take the greens and leavings from the garden, and plant them under the moon. Then your fortune will be made."

Fuzzybunny did so, and the next day, a huge tree with silver leaves and golden branches stood before her. The human and the ferret were jealous, and tried to climb the tree and steal the leaves and branches, but none but Fuzzybunny could climb the tree, and she gathered the leaves, but when she climbed down, the human and the ferret took them from her.

So it came to pass that a giant warrior bunny came by one day, and saw the magnificent tree. "Who's tree is this?" he asked. "It's ours!" cried the greed human and ferret. "Then if you give me one of its golded branches, I shall be your servent forever." The human and the ferret tried to break off a branch, but were unable.

Finally, Fuzzybunny said, "the tree is mine," and she broke off a branch and gave it to the handsome warrior bunny. The warrior bunny was very angry at the human and the Ferrotti, and said "Because you lied to me and tried to take what was not yours, I will be your enemy forever."

With that, the warrior bunny disappeared, taking Fuzzybunny to his magical warren, where they lived forever after. As for the human and the Ferrotti? They have remained the enemies of bunnykind ever since.

And that is the end of my story. (turning back to the intelligent and handsome BunnyMentat to look deeply in his eyes.)


*  "I'm not stupid.      * Tammy Sue Heming               *
*  I'm not expendable.   *   *
*  I'M NOT GOING."       * The new teacher on the block   *
*  Avon, Blake's 7       **********************************

From: sharree@CSOS.ORST.EDU (Sharree Thompson)
Subject: Re: Christmas at BunnyMother's: Sharree's tale
Date: 23 Dec 1993 08:06:38 GMT
Message-ID: <2fbjie$8jv@jadzia.CSOS.ORST.EDU>
References: <Dec23.042745.87441@yuma.ACNS.ColoState.EDU>

I couldn't help it, the young does tale ammused me, I laughed out loud.

"Don't get me wrong, young lady, I liked your story, but given what I know of Ferrotti it's sucks. Sounds more like one of Kmmmm-Lkkk's Wolverine, can't call them friends, maybe associateds would be the right word. Ferrotti have NO sence of personal belongings, in fact the only way I can keep any of my stuff is to tie it down and hope the Ferrotti don't want it enough to chew through the cord.

"And as for food, Ferrotti are a little over-generous, and No, Jrrrr- Lwsss, I don't want any mice-pot-pie, and Buck-Buck doesn't either."

The doe looks a bit hurt, Buck-Buck just looks smug, silly bunny.

"But on the Human, I'ld say you pegged about a third of the human race correctly, a good chunk of my kind would pull an idiot stunt like that. Of course one third would have killed Fuzzybunny first, the rest are like me, and would NEVER steal something that isn't mine."

The doe looked a bit happier after that. "Where did you and that cute young Buck there meet? I think you were going to tell us," the doe asked.

I smiled warmly and snuggled a bit closer to Kmmmm-Lkkk, scratching her ears, and streatching my legs. One of the rabbits almost lost his self-control when he saw my unprotected toes, but one sharp look from BunnyMother stopped him in his tracks.

"It all started several years ago. I must have been about eight or nine when my cat, Drummer, brought me a baby rabbit, it couldn't have been more than a few days old, it's eyes were not even open yet.

"My parents were not sure we could save the little thing. We feed it sugar water, and later milk and sugar mixed together. That little rabbit held onto life like you wouldn't believe. Grew to be huge. much larger than any other rabbit I had ever seen. Was pretty smart too, even came when I called it, almost like a dog.

"I used to sit outside and hold it on my lap and read to it, sometimes I almost thought it understood what I was reading to it. that rabbit stayed with us for several years, but then some people moved in with a dog that could get over our fence, it killed the rabbits we had bought at the pet-store, though it had never gotten Buck-Buck, as I named the rabbit.

"I must have agonized for hours about what to do with Buck-buck, he wasn't safe here anymore. Finally I came to a disision, I would let him go at the local wild-life refuge, he would be safe there, since no one can let their dogs roam, and hunting is forbidden.

"years passed by, and I almost forgot about my little wild rabbit. It was shortly after I joined up with the fudds and met the Ferrotti that I was reunited with Buck-Buck. I was checking for signs of Devil-bunny activity when I was ambushed by a huge one, I was alone, no Ferrotti or other fudds in sight. Sure I was a goner, I started singing any boy-George tune I could think of, hoping against the odds to frighten the thing off.

"the rabbit only paused for a second, then started for my throat, when suddenly another rabbit leaped at the first and drove him back. `So, Mutie, you want to fight me over the human, you can't hope to win,' the rabbit which was going to kill me said. the other rabbit made no reply, just slowly circled the first one. The two leaped at each other and my savior managed to gut the other rabbit. I thought I was out of the frying pan and into the fire, when this rabbit suddenly crawls into my lap and nudges my hand with his head.

"I start petting him, not sure what else to do, when another rabbit, this one smaller comes out. `Are you She, the savior from the Cat?' this rabbit asked. I think my blank look told her I was in shock.

"`Are you she who raised a rabbit called Buck-Buck' The doe asked me. That was when everything sunk into my brain. `Yes, I had a rabbit I called Buck- buck. So when am I going to die?' I wasn't one for torture, so I thought to make them get it over with then and there.

"`Whenever your body tires out, I guess. I'm Felora. We are from the Hidden Warren, our leader is Buck-Buck, and in case you hadn't guessed, that's him sitting in your lap.' I did a real double take, the rabbit who just saved my life was the rabbit who's life I had saved so long ago. I had to prove it to myself. I started scratching Buck-Buck in the one place I knew was his favorite, every muscle in his body was frozen, except for his nose, which started twitching double time, just like buck-buck's did.

"I had found my childhood pet. I'll admit, when I went back to headquarters, Kmmmm-Lkkk didn't take the news to well. Especially since I brought Buck-Buck back with me. Still this wasn't a chance to be passed up. We have been working with the Hidden Warren ever since. The Buck-Buck with me is the Third to bear the name. From him I learned that My Buck-Buck came from a warren in the park only a short way from the house I grew up at (and the only reason it wasn't over-run is the fact that we had dogs, cats, Ferrotti, and Racoons living in the regeon, along with a few hawks) and that that warren abandoned any rabbit with any physical defect.

"All other warrens have been eliminated, but the Hidden Warren still exists. Not all Bunnies are dedicated to taking human life, and not all Bunny lives will be taken."

I sat back to see what effect my story would have, and what, if any, questions it would raise.

Subject: Christmas at Kmmmm-Kyrl-lth's: Jrrrr-Lwsss's tale
Message-ID: <Dec24.073655.9224@yuma.ACNS.ColoState.EDU>
Date: Fri, 24 Dec 1993 07:36:55 GMT
Keywords: a ferrotti romantic legend

Erm, well, it is time for this one to tell her story she guesses. This humble ferret is not a storyteller like some of us here (friendhunters Bill and Sharree, excellent stories). So bear with her.

Sigh. So many good old legends, this one cannot think of any that she wants to tell...

Oh, here's one, friendhunter Sharree, thank you for the idea. It is an old story that my mother used to tell us, when we were very young. It is about a wicked Wolverine and a brave young Ferrotti that stood against him...

Once, very very long ago, longer than even Kmmmm-Lkkk or even her mother or even hers before that, there was a Wolverine who lived in a very big and vast valley. This valley was green and lush, with many many mice and Lyth (regular ones, not Kyrl-lth) to hunt and catch and eat, and lots of grassy hills to play on, and gulleys to hide in. The days in this valley were sunny and the nights were filled with owls and bats and pretty stars.

The valley was like paradise, but there was one problem. The Wolverine was very greedy and wouldn't let any of the Ferrotti or their kin come to live and hunt and play in his valley. Even when the Ferrotti were hungry and cold and needed a place to live, the mean Wolverine wouldn't let us go into his valley.

Then one day, a brave and handsome young Bsss-hrtt, named Yrrrl-Lwsss decided to go to the Wolverine and ask him to allow the Ferrotti to come into the valley and live there. Yrrrl-Lwsss said hrmmm-ltt to his beloved mate Kmmmm-Ctrll and set off toward the valley.

He had many adventures on the way, in fact, the story of Yrrrl-Lwsss is a fable that all Ferrotti know, but I will only tell of his meeting with the Wolverine.

When Yrrrl-Lwsss arrived in the valley, he saw it was everything it was said to be. Good hunting grounds, a beautiful place to raise the young ferrotti. But shortly after arriving in the valley, while resting under a tree, Yrrrl-Lwsss suddenly met the Wolverine.

The Wolverine was huge, bigger than anything that Yrrrl-Lwsss had ever seen. It had huge claws and teeth, and red eyes that seemed to stare into Yrrrl-Lwsss's deepest fears. Swollowing his terror, Yrrrl-Lwsss said
"My people the Ferrotti are hungry and cold. You have this huge valley where the mice and lth run free and hunting is good. Please share it and let us come live here."

The Wolverine laughed a laugh that sounded like teeth grinding up old bones. "You are right, little Bsss-hrrt, my valley is large and has more than enough room for you and your people. And I feel generous. I will let the Ferrotti come live here, if you agree to my price."

Yrrrl-Lwsss, though brave, was still young and foolish. Without knowing the price, he agreed, and the Ferrotti came to the valley, and he was reunited with his love. Then one day, the Wolverine came to him. I have come for my payment, little ferret," it said. "What is it you want?" asked Yrrrl-Lwsss. "I wish for only one thing. Your mate."

Now, the Ferrotti do not always mate for life, but sometimes, when one is so dear, we will do so. Yrrrl-Lwsss and Kmmmm-Ctrll were mated for life, such was their love. And Yrrrl-Lwsss could not give up his beloved, but nor could he refuse the Wolverine, as he had agreed to pay the price.

"If you take her, then surely I will die," said Yrrrl-Lwsss. "Then you stand against me?" asked the Wolverine. "If you do, you will surely die."

Yrrrl-Lwsss was a Bsss-hrrt, and was trained in all the ways of Ferrotti combat. His journey had strengthened him and taught him much, but even so, he knew that the Wolverine would kill him. But he had to stand for his beloved, so he challenged the Wolverine to combat.

I will not tell you all the details of the fight. Suffice to say, the young Bsss-hrrt was no match for the huge Wolverine. As the Wolverine stood poised to tear out the young ferrotti warrior's heart, Yrrrl-Lwsss looked over to his love, and smiled. And she, being of strong and brave Ferrotti heart, smiled as well.

The Wolverine saw this smile, and he knew that Yrrrl-Lwsss truly loved Kmmmm-Ctrll. When he saw this, his hard, greedy heart softened. He looked at the two young Ferrotti, and turned, and left, and was never seen in the valley again.

Yrrrl-Lwsss and Kmmmm-Ctrll lived for a very very long time after that, and they had many many litters of young. Eventually, they jointly came to rule the Ferrotti of the valley, and ruled with great wisdom and cunning, having learned much from his travels, and from her quiet love.

Sigh. That is my story, good freinds and you bunnies. It is so romantic, don't you think? Sigh. This story always makes me happy and sad at the same time. I do not understand why, but I like it.

Jrrrr-Lwsss, the Ferrotti from Hell.

*    Cry "Eek Eek," and let       *******  Jrrrr-Lwsss               *******
***      slip the Ferrets of War!    *****  The Ferrotti from Hell     *****
*****            (with apologies to     ***   **
*******               Wm. Shakespeare)     *  14 feet of pure ferret fury. * 

Newsgroups: alt.devilbunnies From: (The BunnyBasher)
Subject: Christmas at BunnyMother's warren: The poem of the Werewolf
Message-ID: <>
Organization: Bunnymother's warren
Date: Fri, 24 Dec 1993 10:36:23 GMT

Finally, the moment I have been especially looking forward to, has come. Lisa, the pro-human werewolf, stands up to make her contribution to this very special dinner.

"We werewolves get a lot of criticism, especially if we *enjoy* being a werewolf. I finally wrote a poem in response..

A Werewolf's Response to Criticism


Under the Sun:

Klaxons ringing, clanging, jarring, consuming the morning, Raping the silence.
Leering and lowing, jabbering, squealing, saying nothing, Pounding my ears.
Crowds push forward in herdlike limiting, bandwagon urging, Molding my actions.
Stresses eternal, ulcers, anxiety, "got to be done now," Sapping my strength.
Running the treadmill, changeless monotony, homogeneous, Waiting for death.

Under the Moon:

Sound of my footfalls, the forest around me, music unbroken, Embracing the silence.
Nothing spoken but wordless wolfsong, calling the huntsong, Soothing my ears.
The world to run in, immortal freedom, unrepressed liberty, Unchaining my actions.
Joyful power and self-possession, the soul returning, Restoring my strength.
The world unchanging yet endlessly varying, complex diversity, Glorious life."

As she finishes, a heavy silence sets in. It takes me a few moments to realise how odd that is. Then I see that the BunnyMother's children, previously unconcernedly chasing each other, tumbling over each other and making all kinds of noises, are now sitting in attention, upright, eyes glazy and ears cocked. It is nothing like the paralysing fear of oncoming head lights; it seems more like Lisa has been able to convey a general feeling of Ferrotti, Human, Werewolf and Bunny alike, and that this has stunned the bunnies in some way. It takes the first bunny almost half a minute to break the spell and hop away. More than enough time to rip their heads off, I think cynically, as the dinner conversation slowly picks up.

The BunnyBasher

From: (The BunnyBasher)
Subject: Christmas at the BunnyMother's warren: Bye Bye Bunnies
Message-ID: <>
Organization: Bunnymother's warren
Date: Fri, 24 Dec 1993 12:07:12 GMT

Shortly after the poem of the Werewolf, the feasting ends, the evening ends, and eventually, it is time for us to leave. We thank the BunnyMother for her hospitality and after the usual dawdling of a party ready to leave, BunnyMother escorts us to the door. Suddenly I realise that she and the BunnyMentat are the only rabbits around. Moreover, I haven't seen any bunnies for quite a while now. My suspicion, suspended by the wonderful get-together of friends and foes, suddenly surfaces. Fear grips me by the throat and nervously I run my fingers over the detonator in my inside pocket. I follow the BunnyMother and the BunnyMentat closely as they head for the door, ready to blow them up with me if something happens. However, they seem unconcerned and talk merrily about bunny things that do not penetrate my stressful state of mind.

Then the door opens and the first thing I see are the two beer trucks that are supposed to take us back to something resembling civilization. However, it takes less than a second to realize where the many bunnies we met at first have gone. They are all outside, waiting. There are dozens of rabbits, hundreds of rabbits -- maybe even a few thousand. And all of them, from the tiniest bunny to the largest buck, are dressed in full armour, bright and shiny and tough -- virtually impervious to fire axes and BunnyBlasters; complete protection against all liquid weapons. They all carry formidable weapons, their teeth are sharp and shiny, and fear for my toes hits me like a ton of bricks. I almost panick and push the button. Behind me I hear the ferrotti hissing and Lisa growling. I feel like I can't take my eyes off all these bunnies and I can only hope that Bill and John keep their cool and that Sharree will be able to calm the ferrotti. The deal was to die like warriors in case of an ambush and only use the explosives at the last moment. Suddenly, I feel the peace of my destiny and I am comfortable with the thought that I will die here and now, fighting the children of the great BunnyMother. But just as I am about to give the secret signal for an all-out attack, the BunnyMother speaks:

"Friends, and Fudds, and Ferrotti -- you have gathered in my home and I hope have enjoyed your stay here. You have been entertained by my family, you have eaten at my table. And now it is time for you to return to your own homes. You will be safe on this journey, as safe as you were on your way here and during your stay. Nobunny will harm you now. However, be warned that any attacks on my home or family will be met with anger and devastation. If you dare to harm the fur on the heads of the least of my children, I will personally hunt you down and not only eat your toes for breakfast, I will stomp your little heads as flat as that of a paper doll which your own children play with! Beware of attacking me, and even more, beware of harming my offspring, for they are as precious to me as your lives are to you, and more sacred than the guest rights you have enjoyed in my home."

Slowly the adrenalin leaves my body, as I realise the extend of her words. These bunnies are not here as a trap, but as a symbol of BunnyMother's power and a warning to us all. Still, we make our way to the trucks very carefully, but the armored bunnies only watch us in silence. John, Lisa and I step into the first truck; the ferrotti, Sharree and Bill in the second one. As we drive away slowly, I look around one more time to the fearful sight of the armored bunnies on the hillside. In the door opening I can still see the silent silhouettos of the BunnyMother and the BunnyMentat. Then we turn a corner, and they are blocked from sight.

"Oh man, I really thought we were done for. Those little bastards! I was only that close to pushing the button", John shows hardly any space between index finger and thumb, and both are shaking violently.
"Me too, I was ready to give the signal for attack." Suddenly I feel very sick and I breath deeply, struggling to keep the exquisite dinner where it belongs. The bumping beer truck, trying desperately to keep on this back road, doesn't help much.
"Are you allright, Lisa?" I ask the uncharacteristically silent werewolf.
"Yes, I'm OK, don't worry." But I know she is lying.

Silently we drive on for another twenty minutes. Absorbed in my own thoughts, I completely forget to pay attention to the surroundings, but this dark forest doesn't give much clues of direction anyway. Suddenly, we pull up a main road and I can see the lights of a village not far away. The trucks both stop at the outskirts of the town and I can see the ferrotti struggling to get out. The bunnies immediately turn around the beer trucks and drive off. Naturally, the ferrotti will not go with us into town. They'll keep out of sight, while John and I will find a telephone and call someone to pick us up. This proves easier than expected, since there is a bar not far away from where the trucks dropped us off.

While we wait, we talk about the strange experience we shared tonight and the strategies for future bunny combat. If the aim of the BunnyMother was to breed understanding for the bunny ways, she succeeded in part. Still, it is us against them and the planet is not big enough for both of us. Our age old war will continue in full force.

Slowly I relax and my feeling of nausea leaves. As the cars arrive to bring us to our respective destinations, I feel the sadness of the end of what was indeed a memorable get-together. We say goodbye and promise to meet again soon. I get in the car and after I finally free myself of my backpack with explosives, I take off my coat and feel a card in my outside pocket that wasn't there before. It shows a picture of a human child with a small rabbit. Below them are the words:

"MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR to all readers of alt.devilbunnies

The BunnyMother"

And I like to join her in these wishes.

Again in a combined effort, The BunnyBasher & The BunnyMother

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